[Giggles' Identity]

An ordinary Fil-Chi girl with an ordinary life, searching for an identity in this not so ordinary world. I am caught, trapped, and torn between two cultures. So, am i more Chinese than Filipino? or am I more Filipino than Chinese? i am feeling

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[Mumbling @ My Corner]

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~{ Past Dates }~ November 2004 December 2004 July 2005 December 2005 January 2006

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Who Moved My Cheese?
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Da Vinci Code
Girl With a Pearl Earring

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Saturday, December 11

break-up with chocolate

i better stop munching chocolates(at least for a week). i have to lose weight coz it is affecting my self-esteem. from 43kg, i am now 48kg. and 48kg isn't good for a 4-feet-11-inches-girl. oh my, i am overweight! ang hirap i-psyche sarili ko ngayon. no matter how many times ko sabihin sa sarili ko na God wouldn't let me face a problem i can not handle, depress parin ako.

tapos, i had a fight with my bf. i must be losing my grip on my sanity. i must be paranoid. yes, that must be it. i am bitter. hatred oozes from the deep within my heart. all the bedimpled smiles, the cheerful demeanor everyone sees in me is all just an act. i have an evil heart. that's just what my sweetheart told me. how come we can easily forgive ourselves, but couldn't be as forgiving when someone has wronged us?

he lied to me once, and he reached out and made up for it. then, he lied again. apologized and made up for it. this time, i took my revenge. i lied to hurt him, in the process of which, i hurt myself. i stumbled, i was bruised, i was in much too deep mud. i lost face. i begged him to stay. he did. in between making up and frequent fights, he hurt me. this time emotionally, physically and mentally. then he lied again. i promised not to get back with him. he cried... and i love him.

right now, i can't trust him as much as i know he's having a hard time trusting me. when he made THE Mistakes, he said sorry. i never did apologize for my own deeds. of course, i am sorry that i hurt him. i am sorry for the things i have done. but a part of me blames him because i know that i wouldn't have done what i did if he didn't lie to me. everytime i see na nag-check sya ng friendster, naprapraning ako. feel ko may ni-mail nanaman siyang babae. i still remember when he asked his friend kung who was prettier between me and his other girl. his friend said i was prettier, so i can't help thinking that he is with me because at the moment i am pretty pa.

craving chocolate @ 7:25 PM
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